i missed a day.

i missed a day.

after this whole time, making this commitment,

i missed a day.

therefore, it can never be made up.

nothing i can do about it.

i guess what i'll have to do is...

do another post later today.

because people are sleeping still.

it's like... still tuesday night, right?

even though it's technically wednesday.

i'm sorry i failed you.

more so that i failed myself.

i failed something that i tried so hard to keep.

and now, i'm a failure.

because i simply missed a day.

little piece of happiness.

i fell in love today.

although i didn't see his face.

his name is a mystery.

basically, he's a stranger.

he was driving in front of me.

the way he drove... showed me something.

that he was a careful, yet playful person.

i know it's not really love.

just a very great admiration.

because people like that...

instantly earn gratification in my heart.

they know to be light hearted.

the world isn't going to last forever.

use the time you have to have fun.

be yourself, be free.

bounce your car at stoplights to the music.

make sharp, concise waves while going straight.

life's too short to be paranoid.

just so you know, mystery driver,

as you turned into the gas station,

away from me, into a different place,

i smiled, then frowned.

because that little piece of happiness,

that happened to be in my life,

left me. and i was alone.

in the fog, driving with the music.

left without someone to love.

what else can i say.

there are so many things running through my mind right now.

i'm not exactly sure of what to say.

hmm, i guess i'll say the thing in the front.

when i was younger,

my father used to toss an orange in front of me.

i would come crawling to him.

oranges, you see, are my favorite fruit.

because of my dad and doing this.

i even won a bunch of races as a baby,

just because i'd crawl so wildly to the orange.

unfortunately, a woman noticed what my father was doing.

and distracted me by waving her arms,

just so her own child would win the race.

so i didn't go very far.

today i watched a video about the christmas orange.

i never realized it had such a significance.

my family always puts an orange in the stocking.

down in the toe, it's a given.

there seems to be a much bigger story to it.

if you haven't read it or heard about the christmas orange,

i suggest you read about it.

because it made me feel special about getting an orange in my stocking.

hmm, what else could i say.

i got more things on christmas that i didn't mention.

half of them i can't even explain.

so that last post didn't give my christmas justice.

uhm, i'm really sick of christmas music now.

no, i don't lack spirit, i'm not a scrooge.

christmas music is just meant to be heard...

up until christmas. after that, it's done for.

now, i'm going to go dwell in my little box.

that i like to call my house. (:

merry christmas.

merry christmas to you!

my list of presents i received:

two new pairs of pajamas.

three new willow tree figurines.

two new outfits.

lots of new jewelery.

an ipod.

a large amount of gum.

life savers package.

chocolate santas.

an orange in the toe of my stocking.

twenty-five dollars.

gas, oil, and a new tire for my car.

a hexbug ant.

an oobees purse.

pictures of my nephews.

i'm very happy with my christmas this year.

even if it doesn't feel like christmas.

dang snow. ):

christmas eve.

christmas eve.

i've always had a family tradition,

where i go to my grandma's house.

my cousin cloee and i,

would sit on the floor in front of the fireplace,

and open all our presents at the same time.

we got little tea sets,

lots of matching clothes,

even though we're completely different.

the rest of my family would just gather around,

and we'd all open presents after eating.

the food was always great.

just a few years ago it's changed.

my dad can't make it out this year.

one of my older cousins is on his mission.

definitely a different way to celebrate.

this year, i drove myself, with my cousin, to my grandma's.

i've never driven to my grandma's house.

my station wagon got a new tire and full gas today,

so it was set for the trip.

we opened present, ate, played a game.

upwords, a game i used to play with my dad.

all the time.. and it made me miss him a lot.

i hope you all have your own christmas traditions.

like opening your pajamas to wear to wake up in.

which, even though my mom made me some a while ago,

my sister gave me some to open to wear tomorrow.

i love my family, and i'm grateful for this christmas.

my presents were somewhat smaller than usual this year.

but that's okay, because i gave more away.

that's a great feeling to have around christmas time.

i hope you sleep well, have a merry christmas.

thanks for reading. (:

sing-a-ma-jig.

I ALMOST MISSED A DAY.

there is like, fifteen minutes until tomorrow.

i'm such a slacker.

just shows you how busy the holidays make me.

it didn't even feel busy.

yet, i didn't have time for this one thing...

well, i'm terribly sorry.

i'll be more consistent.

tomorrow, a complete christmas movie marathon.

it'll probably move into christmas day.

the christmas carol with jim carrey,

a christmas story, christmas vacation,

rudolph the red nosed reindeer,

frosty the snowman,

how the grinch stole christmas,

and that one movie. the with hermie the elf that wants to be a dentist.

raquel got me a sing-a-ma-jig for christmas.

i love her so much. (:

ronald mcdonald.

why did the chicken cross the road?

to get away from ronald mcdonald,

and back to his family of chicks.

snowmen.

i made two snowmen today.

the first, i made completely by myself.

his name is francis.

of course, i didn't have the proper things for a face.

so i sculpted it out of snow.

his nose was one that i always look for in people.

his eyes were hollowed out.

and i gave him lovely large cheeks and a chin.

let's not forget his ears, either.

then he's smiling, happy as can be.

i show my mom, she doesn't like him.

"he's short and fat!" she told me.

i said that he was my kind of man.

but she insisted i make another.

so, i did. this one, tim helped me make him.

he's taller than me. about six foot.

my mom used glass jar lids for his eyes.

and made a cone for his nose.

plastic little stars for his smile,

tinsel for his scarf.

fringle, i named this one, was flashy.

close to the road so everyone could see him.

sure, he's the one everyone sees.

makes himself pretty for the various onlookers.

but the one with the most personality,

that would be francis. in the back, smiling sweetly.

silently plotting his revenge.

the life of a fry.

i thought life would be easy.

hanging out in the fields.

and then one day, we got taken.

placed into a dark box made out of wood.

then it was a long time before i saw light again.

it wasn't a good light, fluorescent.

fake light that didn't make me feel well.

all of my family was taken from me.

and then, it was my turn to feel the pain.

it was quick, and then we splashed into water.

cold, stinky water that stung my eyes.

and then into another dark place.

it was only a few hours or so until i came out again.

they took us out in bundles.

stuck us into some grease, burning our bodies.

after that, we were placed in a small basket.

some of us didn't fit very well inside it.

then we left the fluorescent lights into more dim ones.

with strange mexican music playing that i couldn't understand.

with a soft thud, the basket hit the table.

i watched in terror as my family got eaten alive.

after all of the suspense, i got taken.

the pain seemed to go on forever.

with each separate bite i was being torn apart.

then, the darkness. the tight squeeze.

into a cavern, where i couldn't see because it was littered with bodies.

horrible, dismantled bodies of my family and friends.

what came next was hard to describe.

something green and acidic came from the walls.

engulfing everyone around me.

then finally, me.

you don't want to know what happened next.

easy like sunday morning.

today was incredibly boring.

and can i just say that i'm not excited for christmas.

i'm not getting a lot of presents.

that's not the main point.

just the fact that nobody has money.

it's so depressing.

and it makes me not like christmas.

why do people focus on money around christmas?

it'd be better if we could all just...

watch a christmas story together.

cuddling by the fire and listening to christmas music.

screw the presents.

stop the madness.

make christmas easy like sunday morning!

watch some spongebob.

pretty.

i feel pretty.

that isn't a bad thing, is it?

feeling pretty means you look pretty.

looking pretty can be different for many people.

maybe a stripper thinks she looks pretty.

haha, okay, bad analogy.

but really. what does it mean to feel pretty?

looking pretty?

does that mean something different?

sometimes these questions flood my mind.

and i have no idea how to answer them.

because really, i don't know the answer.

i've never been told or taught.

has anyone, really?

pretty means someone pretty.

they have makeup on, their hair is done.

but is that really what pretty means?

i hope not!

makeshift winter.

do you remember holding my hand?

around and around we went,

caught, in the makeshift winter.

the sounds of the world softly singing.

encouraging us to go farther.

further into the roundabout that we couldn't escape.

this memory had left me.

as if trying to tell me it wasn't important.

that you would never look at me the same way.

today, i thought i saw that.

the instantaneous glint of hope that people hope for.

it's a long shot, one of those most people don't take.

basically, i'm one of those people.

after this memory, though, i miss you.

miss that time when we were lost.

holding hands, together, against the wind.

you're going to do great things in life.

letting go of my hand changed everything.

so you escaped, leaving me alone.

to go around and around, in my makeshift winter.

without you.

others are stuck there with me, as well.

the ones that had someone with them,

but their someone had something going for them.

all of those people have their own winters.

the ones that you can't stand, that you die in.

so i'm waiting here, for someone else that's stuck,

to come around and bump into me.

together, we'll fall in the cold.

somehow it will work out, and we'll both make it out.

without a scratch to show.

and you won't even know.

fear of falling.

what is love?

is it a feeling, or an action?

most can't explain it.

"when it happens, it just happens."

those butterflies in your stomach.

stomach drops through the floor.

that point in time where you swallow your life,

and stick your neck out.

that person that makes your world stop turning.

they can either cut your head off,

or give you something special.

when you're with them, 

nothing else matters.

it's just you and them. together.

no one else in the world matters.

if it's meant to be, things will work out.

otherwise, it's not worth it.

you'd do anything for that person.

they'd do anything for you.

if it's not like that, i don't think it's love.

lust, physical attraction, forced love.

not the actual thing.

sometimes it's better to just jump.

jump into the water, don't look where you jump.

i think it's better to be friends first.

get to know them, why you think they'd be great for you.

because when you don't,

there are a lot of bumps in the road.

of course there are some that overcome those bumps.

me, i'm not one of those people.

love is a scary thing.

most of the time, love sucks.

because you can't stop your heart.

those feelings will be there forever.

when you get your heart broken,

it takes forever to pick up the pieces.

sometimes there are people to help you pick them up.

you have to remember to remember those people.

i always say there are lots of crazy couples out there.

crazy couples maybe, but they have a purpose.

they have something in common.

something that make their hearts come together.

then there are the people who have multiple relationships.

people like that are constantly searching for someone to make them happy.

those types sadden me.

why can't you find something else to make you happy?

people aren't meant to be constantly used.

it's just horomones half of the time.

be careful of who you fall in love with.

only say that you love someone when you mean it.

because if you don't, you'll regret it later.

love can be dangerous. treacherous.

but with your friends, it's endless.

i have a fear of falling.

because when i like someone,

i put myself out there for them.

let them know everything about me.

be myself around them.

if they don't like me the same,

i'm crushed.

so just a precaution, everyone with a heart.

be cautious when it comes to love.

never let it go.

freezing.

i have never been so cold,

and freezing, 

and about to start crying,

ever, in my entire life.

lesson learned.

wear good gloves,

and don't wear converse,

while looking at christmas lights.

for real.

busy day.

today has been a terribly, but amazingly, busy day.

actually, this week is going to be a busy week.

yesterday was the smoothest day this week.

today, i had to work on the centerspread.

left school late.

had to get ready, cash a check, head to sandy.

at three thirty, we left for olive garden.

got there at four thirty. stupid traffic.

ate, then went to see the christmas carol.

it was truly, and utterly, amazing.

so proud of those people.

then we went to chili's,

had those molten lava cakes.

white and milk chocolate... mm.

then i went to my cousin's to pee,

and then i drove home.

tomorrow? going to temple square.

for mutual, with my young women.

thursday, i have my dance performance.

friday, i'm hanging out with michael.

then the stag dance, in our ugly sweaters.

( oh, i'm going to lunch with parker tomorrow. )

then on saturday, justin's birthday party.

sunday, church.

monday, it's christmas break.

i think things will cool down after that.

but as of right now, this week is crazy.

even though it's crazy,

i feel like i have a life.

and i love it.

quotes.

i know i said i wouldn't use quotes.

but it's all i'm thinking about.

not just quotes, actually.

i guess they're lyrics.

from songs.

some of my favorite songs.

here are some lines from them;

i can hear the bells.

pine cones and hooooly berries.

oh na na, what's my name?

don't you know that you're toxic?

up up up, can only go up, from here.

fall, go on and fall apart. fall into these arms of mine, i'll catch you.

baby, there's a shark in the water!

oh, i've got a brand new pair of rollerskates.

if i could write you a song to make you fall in love..

razzle dazzle, razzle, dazzle them.(doodadoodadoo)

it's perelli's magical elixir.

f is for friends who do stuff together...

just dance, gonna be okay!

shakira shakira... oh baby when you talk like that!

doo doo doo doo, i'm lovin' it.

is this the real life, is this just fantasy?

post a comment guessing some.

i know you'll know them. (:

harmful.

when people don't text me back,

i think a lot of things.

maybe they're mad at me.

what if they're busy doing something?

maybe they're with someone i don't like.

why would they be with that person?

i thought they were my friend.

what have i done wrong for them?

is there something wrong with my phone?

how come no one is listening to me?

i'm just going to go die in a hole.

maybe i should text someone i don't usually text.

they'll text me back, for sure.

cell phones are... harmful.

because i already have low self-esteem.

so when people don't text me back it angers me.

makes me feel like a bad person.

that's a bad way to think, i know.

ha, i need to quit writing these rants.

because i doubt people will keep reading them.

i'll think of something happy tomorrow.

trust me. (:

mood sucker.

today, i'm taking my sister's family pictures.

i'm not a professional photographer or anything.

but i know how to make people look good in photos.

that's a start, right?

i haven't even had my senior pictures done.

pretty depressing.

then on tuesday, going to see a christmas carol.

an old family tradition brought back to life.

so far this weekend,

i've completed three crossword puzzles with adam.

read about fifty pages of mockingjay.

wrestled with my nephews.

coughed up some flem.

rekindled the flame of my role play site.

and listened to about six songs.

that's how my saturday has been.

i'm not sure what to write.

lately i've been in a bad mood.

why? i have no idea. it's just there.

like there isn't someone to make me happy.

i need someone to make me happy.

basically, i feed off of other people.

when someone around me isn't happy,

i'm not going to be happy.

life sucks for most of my friends right now.

and if it doesn't, i'm not around them enough.

so my mood is just... blah.

i know it's not good to live off of other people.

but it's who i am. it just happens.

i'm a mood sucker.

pretty much an average day,

with nothing to write about.

i hope you are ten times happier than me!

mcdonalds.

boo.

i greatly dislike mcdonalds.

for the first few years of my life,

yeah, they were pretty cool.

as i got older, ehhh, thirteenish?

the thing i found in my burgers was not deliciousness,

but was little. black. hairs.

talk about the most disgusting thing ever.

i'm not joking either.

probably got... seven burgers with them.

then after that, i guess people wore hair nets.

but of course, i hate the thought of the hair.

so i didn't eat there very often.

when i do eat there,

like today,

it's always something simple.

mcdouble, no mustard, no onions.

small fry, small drink.

i haven't gotten any hairs lately.

but the one thing i'm not getting...

some of my food.

i ordered my mom some chicken nuggets.

and a large fry.

but my mom didn't want a combo.

the guy asked me what kind of drink.

i said diet coke.

after that i realized that he gave me a combo.

i didn't want a stupid combo.

then i asked for my burger,

with some large fries.

figuring i could have my mom's drink.

well, i get the bag, and what do you know?

one large fry, one burger, mcnuggets.

not two large fries. just one.

and the drink.

plus, there wasn't a receipt to check my order.

that angers me.

i mean, i know it's supposed to be 'fast' food,

but can't it at least be what you ordered?

stupid mcdonalds.

you're the reason for obesity in children.

so... poo on you.

first anniversary.

it's been one month since i started this blog.

woo! ha. what an accomplishment.

i decided on the anniversaries,

there is going to be a list of my likes and dislikes.

random things that pop into my head.

sound good?

don't ask questions about the random ninth of the month.

it just happened that way. (:

likes;

singing along with music on the radio.

boys that sing along with radios.

having deep conversations.

the holidays.

people that can be goofy around you.

goldfishes.

good, long, influential dreams.

movie marathons with friends.

writing for the newspaper.

uhm, writing in general.

painting my fingernails.

hoodies.

smart cookie cookies.

people thinking i'm really smart.

snowball fights.

video games.

being the underdog and making it out alive.

fantasy football.

the color purple.

warthogs.

dislikes;

being rejected.

people that don't like to be touched.

songs you can't sing along with.

really big, scary dogs.

how i look in pictures i don't take.

staplers that are out of staples.

boys that think it's funny to pick up girls.

when something is happening for the last time,

and it's not that special.

people not texting me back.

zombies.

easy spelling errors.

when people don't try.

after you walk by someone, they start laughing.

earwigs.

movies that don't go into theaters.

broken down computers.

when i don't know where my friends are.

girls that think they're all that.

people against rainbows.

that be all for this month.

have a great life.

thanks for reading about mine!

puppies.

if everyone in the world had a puppy,

there wouldn't be any sad days.

because puppies make people happy.

if you've never had a puppy,

really, i'm sorry.

sure, it comes with lots of responsibility.

and of course it's going to cost money.

but all of that pays off with the love it gives you.

dogs are really great things.

( don't get me wrong, i love cats too. )

they're loyal to you.

never leave you.

will always be there for you.

as long as you love them, they will love you.

even if you don't love them.

they will still love you.

it's especially great,

when you start with a puppy,

and you grow up with the dog.

because then you're closer than normal.

it's just a great thing.

puppies are great things.

mostly when they're cute. (:

deceiving.

i'm the type of person to hate this.

hate deceiving.

when things would turn out better,

for you and for everyone else,

if you were just completely honest.

you know that game?

with the X and the Y?

if everyone chooses y, they get one thousand dollars.

by the end, everyone would have like,

twenty five thousand dollars.

but if one person chooses x...

then everyone gets screwed.

and everything is ruined.

of course, i'm the type of person,

that would never change to x.

but pretty much everyone else is.

that's where we get selfish people.

people that do things,

just to make other people miserable.

i know it's just a game,

but it seriously can reflect on real life things.

when one person deceives,

i try and give them a second chance.

fix things, make everything even again.

then another person comes in,

and ruins it all over again.

in this certain game,

the person that deceived the first time,

ended up with the least amount of money.

i just hate that so much.

when you trust someone.

stick your head out on the line for someone.

then of course, you get it chopped off.

well, at least, that's what happens to me.

most of the time, anyways.

just think about it the next time you do something.

something for your own benefit.

who's getting hurt by your decision?

there has got to be someone.

just think about that. 

that's all i'm asking.

have a good day.

the relief.

i love that feeling,

when you get something lifted off your shoulders,

and you don't have to think about it anymore.

what a relief.

you can get on with your life.

back to the important things.

since that thing isn't holding you down anymore.

don't you love that feeling?

because then you can really focus.

people can probably tell,

when there's something on my mind,

since i won't listen to them fully.

when there isn't anything to worry about,

i'm a better person.

so think about people that always have something?

constantly dwelling over their shoulders?

like the president, or a movie star.

they have to worry about everything.

maybe that's why some people aren't nice.

because they can't be themselves while that cloud,

that dead animal on their back,

is there, slowing them down.

draining them.

until their personality is an empty bathtub,

and all that's left is the bubbles.

not the good bubbles, though.

the bubbles you got tired of and left behind.

that's a pretty depressing thought.

try and find the relief!

find the escape from that dark cloud.

get some sunlight, an umbrella, anything.

don't become the reject bubbles.