car wreck.

i greatly dislike days like today.

things just start out, bleh.

but you had a great night before.

having only six hours of sleep,

then having to go to church...

sitting by someone i don't even know.

getting taught something that i can't focus on.

then, hearing something really great.

and it got me thinking.

so much, that i can't focus on anything else.

i was supposed to clean the house today.

did i get that done?

nope.

( did you notice how my last post was an arrow? cool. )

and i'm sort of getting a head ache.

but i have to clean the house.

the worst part is that i have basically no help.

my mom is going to be home tuesday night.

so i get to clean the house on tuesday.

i'm passing all of my classes,

so as long as i don't bomb this last quarter,

i'm going to graduate.

he, as i promised, is going to graduate as well.

my dogs need a bath.

i really want to get asked to prom.

if i don't get asked, i'm going stag. so.. beware.

my car is really great.

i love it very much.

see what i have resorted to?

saying random things i don't even know.

i'm not ready for life.

and i'm sick of the radio repeating the same songs over and over.

be original, for heaven's sakes.

one of those moods.

blech mech jeck weck flech.

wreck.

one word.

bright.

brittany.

outstanding.

spunky.

genuine.

unique.

funny.

outgoing.

passionate.

wild.

helpful. 

gemini.

seventeen.
people pleaser.

all words that people said describe me.

i don't know about these.

but there you have it.

a blog post. 

woo!

cookies.

i have myself three cookies.

one, a chocolate chip.

traditional,

everyone loves it,

just as it loves everyone.

two, a sugar.

basic, simple, casual.

treats everyone differently.

but all it is.. is sugar.

three, a macadamia nut.

my personal favorite,

but some people are allergic.

and it takes getting used to.

three completely different cookies.

all taste differently.

but they all go good with milk.

or do they?

all you need is love.

being a hopeless romantic sucks.

it really does.

i just finished a book, where love happens.

basically, i blame my condition on books.

and on movies.

that give me a silly idea of love.

or how someone is going to act.

it angers me deeply.

because i don't believe i'll ever get it.

so i read this book,

watch this movie,

get all giddy, and happy,

because i love when i see love.

i see it all around me.

everyday. 

between my friends.

complete strangers,

public displays of affection.

yet, i get nothing.

no romance,

no spending a night, 

cuddling underneath the stars.

walking hands down the beach.

riding a ferris wheel, holding hands.

swinging on the swings and sharing a moment.

having that 'spark',

and acting on it, and never regretting it.

but... i guess great things come to those who wait, 

am i right?

don't get me wrong, though.

i love hearing about other people's romance.

i'm just in such a hole with my own,

there isn't anything i can do but be excited.

hyperventilate when someone tells me something great.

i will love with everything i have,

and hopefully, this romantic thing will pay off.

and someone will eventually love me back.

it could be a while, i know.

until then, i'll fill up with movies and books.

friends and family, people telling me what love is.

so i know, that when it happens, it's real, and i don't screw it up.

because, as this book said...

once you love something, or someone,

it's the hardest thing in the world to let them go.

all you need is love, love.

love is all ya need.

sentimental.

small things mean lots to me.

i had a blade of grass.

that one of my best friends gave me,

and she just handed it to me one day.

while we were sitting on the grass together.

i placed it in my phone.

under the cover, and it stayed there.

for months and months.

then, getting out of my car,

in frustration, i dropped my phone.

lost that blade of grass.

you better believe that i cried.

because it held a memory to it.

that's my problem.

i like to call myself a 'hoarder',

because every little thing has sentimental meaning.

i have a pumba head that i used to take baths with.

a stuffed dog that i still sleep with.

twizzler pillow that has so many memories.

this weekend i got another item.

my nephew, two years old,

came up to me while i was laying on the couch.

put a hair tie around my wrist.

the hair tie was broken, and retied to work again.

i have no idea where it came from,

but it hasn't left my wrist since then.

and today i wore a beatles shirt.

i got sung to by a kid named hayden,

who is very fond of the beatles.

i will always remember that when i wear this shirt.

so if you ever give me something,

i will most likely remember you forever because of that thing.

hmm, i think i do the same thing with songs.

like, put people to songs.

because of a memory that happened during that song,

with that certain person,

whenever i hear that song, i will think of them.

it's my way of thinking of things, i suppose.

but right now, i'm tired. it's late.

i'm going to go to sleep.

have a wonderful wednesday!

better.

i love when you hear something,

or see something, or taste something,

and it changes your life completely.

even if it's something small.

today, i went to church.

then i did shut-ins.

that's when we take the sacrament,

to people that aren't mobile,

or are too old to come to church.

one of the old ladies that we visit..

i told her the typical thing.

"i hope you have a good week!"

then she took my hand and smiled.

"they're all good, dear.

some are just better than others."

changed my mood completely around.

that is an amazing way to look at life.

i told her that was a great thought.

because it took me back in my own thoughts.

to think of how good we have it.

and how bad some others have it.

it's like, we don't have anything to be sad about.

that simple statement changed my life.

and i plan on saying that my week has been good,

even if it hasn't been.

because some are just better than others.

three muskateers,

i would give up my life for these three to keep breathing.

karsen mayhew. <3

gabe don. <3

kole ravel. <3

it's called unconditional love.

seven eleven.

i better explain the importance of this.

because.. it's really weird, to me, anyways.

first, it's a gas station.

how cool is that?

then... 

when i was born,

i was seven pounds, eleven ounces.

i was a freshman in two thousand and seven,

and i'll be graduating in two thousand eleven.

something weird i noticed too?

this year, i'm turning eighteen, seven plus eleven.

my shoe size is seven...

and my newest guy friend?

his shoe size is eleven.

and the day that we became best friends?

march seventh, two thousand eleven.

in july... will be the first month without school,

and that month is seven... two thousand eleven.

seven and eleven are both prime numbers.

and you know what else is cool?

people are going to make ultimate wishes..

on 11/11/11 at 11:11!

if only they would make those wishes at 1.

then it would be seven ones. (:

it's not anything special, but i think it's cool.

why seven eleven?

i don't know. but it happens.

coincidence?

holy crap, seven plus eleven is eighteen,

then plus another seven, is twenty five...

that's the day i was born. haaa.

okay. anyways.

weird!

so happy,

honestly, i have had the most remarkable weekend.

friday night,

i was at my sister's house.

we had a very sincere heart to heart.

and i learned things about myself.

that i needed to change.

saturday was crappy.
besides spending time with an amazing friend.

then saturday night ended badly.

sunday, i was numb.

very unhappy after church.

because church was uplifting for my spirit.

but i was very unhappy after,

as you can tell by my previous post.

my uncle richard,

an amazing man that i'm glad to know,

spoke to me about some things.

my belief of myself?

that in order to have friends,

i have to be humble.

in order for me to be humble,

i put myself down.

we described the word humble.

vulnerability, openness, and not hiding.

i was doing the opposite.

not telling people about me.

being enclosed, not showing myself.

so by trying to be humble, i was being the opposite.

i was looking at myself as a piece of crap.

when that's not true.

then on monday, my eyes opened further.

about relationships, and what is true and whatnot.

but even my uncle told me about myself and relationships.

i like to have a lot of people like me,

and choose which one i like best.

instead of dating a lot of people and finding out who i like.

monday, a certain person told me to date around.

date a lot of people.

which i don't do,

usually, because of my fear of rejection.

that i'm not pretty enough.

but changing my view on myself,

i asked four people on dates today.

and do you know what was amazing?

they all said yes.

which is something i didn't expect.

tonight?

for mutual, we listened to the missionaries.

and what they like, dislike, whatnot.

question answer, basically.

it was very enlightening.

and i realized that i will miss people.

when they leave on their missions.

more than i thought.

and then i went to deseret book with someone i love.

i bought a new CTR ring.

and a book, called I KNEW YOU COULD!

the book has so much meaning...

i recommend it to you.

and that certain person i love?

bought me a picture of a little girl,

holding the hand of jesus,

and under the picture, it says

'i feel the savior's love',

and she told me to study it.

while looking at it, i almost cried.

my spirit was very powerful for me tonight.

i missed that feeling.

and i'm very happy right now,

because life is looking different for me.

yesterday was the first day of that.

what day was it?

march seventh, two thousand eleven.

711. those numbers mean so much to me.

i'll tell you the significance later.

because this post is too long.

but it's the beginning to a new chapter in my life.

one that i believe you will all enjoy. (:

(random, but today, i beat solitaire in ninety-six seconds. a record.)

realizing you have a problem.

isn't what we all want it to be.

i expected something different.

and i'll be going against everything i usually say...

when i say this.

i won't win.

i'm not prettier than her.

there's something about her that will win you over.

there is no chance for me.

i will keep my head up,

and keep the hope...

but i don't think it'll make a difference.

i will just have my heart broken.

be rejected once again, as always.

trying to change myself,

and having this smack me in the face,

is something that stops me in my tracks.

if it goes wrong, why keep going.

why try and make a difference.

why do something worth remembering.

i shouldn't be jealous.

but i am...

and after talking about someone else's relationship,

i realized how much ours is like theirs,

and why aren't you following your own advice.

right now, my moods are highly varied.

or completely neutral.

there's nothing here.

i'm just a shell of a person.

trying to find my place in this world.

because i have no idea what i'm doing.

and i don't know what you're doing.

i need to stop thinking so much.

i need to just do whatever i want to do.

and i need to stop caring so much what people think.

and i need to start accepting compliments,

not pushing them away.

there are so many things i need to do.

and i know i need to do them.

but the first step to starting over,

is realizing you have a problem.

now i just need help to fix it...

synopsis?

i need to change.

guh,

butterflies.

i guess there's a time,

when they're not there.

hibernation, or something, right?

then all the sudden,

they're there. and it's annoying.

why now. why not earlier.

i guess i can ask you that about everything.

but i guess i'm happy about it.

just..

guh.

the butterflies.

i don't know what to think.

i don't know what to do.

because i believe you're teasing me.

and i don't like being teased.

slow and steady wins the race?

guh.

butterflies...