snowmen.

i made two snowmen today.

the first, i made completely by myself.

his name is francis.

of course, i didn't have the proper things for a face.

so i sculpted it out of snow.

his nose was one that i always look for in people.

his eyes were hollowed out.

and i gave him lovely large cheeks and a chin.

let's not forget his ears, either.

then he's smiling, happy as can be.

i show my mom, she doesn't like him.

"he's short and fat!" she told me.

i said that he was my kind of man.

but she insisted i make another.

so, i did. this one, tim helped me make him.

he's taller than me. about six foot.

my mom used glass jar lids for his eyes.

and made a cone for his nose.

plastic little stars for his smile,

tinsel for his scarf.

fringle, i named this one, was flashy.

close to the road so everyone could see him.

sure, he's the one everyone sees.

makes himself pretty for the various onlookers.

but the one with the most personality,

that would be francis. in the back, smiling sweetly.

silently plotting his revenge.

the life of a fry.

i thought life would be easy.

hanging out in the fields.

and then one day, we got taken.

placed into a dark box made out of wood.

then it was a long time before i saw light again.

it wasn't a good light, fluorescent.

fake light that didn't make me feel well.

all of my family was taken from me.

and then, it was my turn to feel the pain.

it was quick, and then we splashed into water.

cold, stinky water that stung my eyes.

and then into another dark place.

it was only a few hours or so until i came out again.

they took us out in bundles.

stuck us into some grease, burning our bodies.

after that, we were placed in a small basket.

some of us didn't fit very well inside it.

then we left the fluorescent lights into more dim ones.

with strange mexican music playing that i couldn't understand.

with a soft thud, the basket hit the table.

i watched in terror as my family got eaten alive.

after all of the suspense, i got taken.

the pain seemed to go on forever.

with each separate bite i was being torn apart.

then, the darkness. the tight squeeze.

into a cavern, where i couldn't see because it was littered with bodies.

horrible, dismantled bodies of my family and friends.

what came next was hard to describe.

something green and acidic came from the walls.

engulfing everyone around me.

then finally, me.

you don't want to know what happened next.

easy like sunday morning.

today was incredibly boring.

and can i just say that i'm not excited for christmas.

i'm not getting a lot of presents.

that's not the main point.

just the fact that nobody has money.

it's so depressing.

and it makes me not like christmas.

why do people focus on money around christmas?

it'd be better if we could all just...

watch a christmas story together.

cuddling by the fire and listening to christmas music.

screw the presents.

stop the madness.

make christmas easy like sunday morning!

watch some spongebob.

pretty.

i feel pretty.

that isn't a bad thing, is it?

feeling pretty means you look pretty.

looking pretty can be different for many people.

maybe a stripper thinks she looks pretty.

haha, okay, bad analogy.

but really. what does it mean to feel pretty?

looking pretty?

does that mean something different?

sometimes these questions flood my mind.

and i have no idea how to answer them.

because really, i don't know the answer.

i've never been told or taught.

has anyone, really?

pretty means someone pretty.

they have makeup on, their hair is done.

but is that really what pretty means?

i hope not!

makeshift winter.

do you remember holding my hand?

around and around we went,

caught, in the makeshift winter.

the sounds of the world softly singing.

encouraging us to go farther.

further into the roundabout that we couldn't escape.

this memory had left me.

as if trying to tell me it wasn't important.

that you would never look at me the same way.

today, i thought i saw that.

the instantaneous glint of hope that people hope for.

it's a long shot, one of those most people don't take.

basically, i'm one of those people.

after this memory, though, i miss you.

miss that time when we were lost.

holding hands, together, against the wind.

you're going to do great things in life.

letting go of my hand changed everything.

so you escaped, leaving me alone.

to go around and around, in my makeshift winter.

without you.

others are stuck there with me, as well.

the ones that had someone with them,

but their someone had something going for them.

all of those people have their own winters.

the ones that you can't stand, that you die in.

so i'm waiting here, for someone else that's stuck,

to come around and bump into me.

together, we'll fall in the cold.

somehow it will work out, and we'll both make it out.

without a scratch to show.

and you won't even know.

fear of falling.

what is love?

is it a feeling, or an action?

most can't explain it.

"when it happens, it just happens."

those butterflies in your stomach.

stomach drops through the floor.

that point in time where you swallow your life,

and stick your neck out.

that person that makes your world stop turning.

they can either cut your head off,

or give you something special.

when you're with them, 

nothing else matters.

it's just you and them. together.

no one else in the world matters.

if it's meant to be, things will work out.

otherwise, it's not worth it.

you'd do anything for that person.

they'd do anything for you.

if it's not like that, i don't think it's love.

lust, physical attraction, forced love.

not the actual thing.

sometimes it's better to just jump.

jump into the water, don't look where you jump.

i think it's better to be friends first.

get to know them, why you think they'd be great for you.

because when you don't,

there are a lot of bumps in the road.

of course there are some that overcome those bumps.

me, i'm not one of those people.

love is a scary thing.

most of the time, love sucks.

because you can't stop your heart.

those feelings will be there forever.

when you get your heart broken,

it takes forever to pick up the pieces.

sometimes there are people to help you pick them up.

you have to remember to remember those people.

i always say there are lots of crazy couples out there.

crazy couples maybe, but they have a purpose.

they have something in common.

something that make their hearts come together.

then there are the people who have multiple relationships.

people like that are constantly searching for someone to make them happy.

those types sadden me.

why can't you find something else to make you happy?

people aren't meant to be constantly used.

it's just horomones half of the time.

be careful of who you fall in love with.

only say that you love someone when you mean it.

because if you don't, you'll regret it later.

love can be dangerous. treacherous.

but with your friends, it's endless.

i have a fear of falling.

because when i like someone,

i put myself out there for them.

let them know everything about me.

be myself around them.

if they don't like me the same,

i'm crushed.

so just a precaution, everyone with a heart.

be cautious when it comes to love.

never let it go.

freezing.

i have never been so cold,

and freezing, 

and about to start crying,

ever, in my entire life.

lesson learned.

wear good gloves,

and don't wear converse,

while looking at christmas lights.

for real.