two, one, zero. boom.

well, i have too many feelings right now to write about the past.

if we keep living in the past,

then we won't get anywhere in the future.

speaking of the future,

are you even thinking about the future?

i swear, sometimes boys are so incredibly stupid,

they can't even control their own stupid.

i just watched a movie.

where a boy and a girl switch bodies.

the boy likes football and dancing to rap,

quarterback, dating head cheerleader.

the girl, smart, social outcast.

wants to go to yale, and has a good head on her shoulders.

they switch bodies, and take on each others lives.

figure out about each other.

i really want this to happen to me.

because i want to show someone how stupid...

no, not how stupid.

how ridiculous they are being.

by letting them see themselves.

because obviously they aren't listening to me.

and heaven forbid i'm trying to help him out.

think of how much we would learn.

being in someone elses' shoes.

being who they want to be, how they want to be it.

or completely demolish their reputation.

i was here first.

sure, i haven't always been around.

but i've been here.

and i'll continue to be here for you.

just when you realize that what you're doing isn't smart,

you'll turn around.

and you'll come to me.

and i'll ask you what you want from me.

because honestly... i've given all i can.

and when i care about someone.

literally care about someone.

i give them my all.

tell them all my secrets. 

let them know all my insecurities.

and when that person turns me down?

or pushes me away?

possibly fills my space with someone else?

i implode.

because i start to think i'm not good enough.

i'm not pretty enough for you.

not your 'type'.

so when you're all sad and depressed,

i won't know how to feel towards you.

of course i will take you in.

i will make you feel better.

but you won't know how i feel.

and i can never tell you how i feel,

because it would ruin everything for you.

and ruin everything for me.

because i'm just a filler.

there isn't anyone for me.

yet, anyways.

everyone has their own special love.

someone that they can confide in.

tell everything to, and then kiss.

but i can't have that.

for what reason, i have no idea.

but i'm here for everyone else.

i may be slowly imploding,

but you won't know that.

two.

one.

zero.

boom.