this is how an angel cries...

i watched a movie this evening.

called,

seeking a friend for the end of the world.

it was a very touching movie.

the ending made me cry.

the best thing about the ending?

it really was the end.

whatever happened, we didn't know.

the screen just goes black.

it made me wonder what i would do,

if the end of the world was near.

nothing would matter after that.

money would mean nothing.

a huge asteroid was going to hit the earth,

and nobody could stop it.

all the big houses would just be burned to the ground.

the rich people inside, burnt.

nobody would be alive.

the only thing that you would be worried about,

would be your past.

what you didn't get to do,

what you wanted to do with your last few weeks of life.

have i lived life to the fullest?

could i die and not be unhappy with how far i've come?

it saddens me to think about the end of the world happening.

but december is just around the corner.

no more dick clark for the new years celebration.

if i had a month before the end of the world, 

i would definitely move back to utah to be with my mom.

and my dog, chubbs.

plus all of my friends,

which i would hug and thank them for making me who i am today.

a certain someone would come to me,

and i wouldn't let go of his hand until the end.

i would make sure we did everything we could.

probably fly back to see his family in the end, too.

i've always wanted to see england.

my last moments, i would be hugging my spongebob pillow,

and hugging him,

while i cried my tears out over the world.

everything that could have been.

all of the children, all of the stories that were untold.

people that didn't get to be with their families for the end.

my tears would be for them.

and for my own life,

for what i didn't take advantage of,

everything that i didn't go out and do.

so many feelings. 

sigh.

i really hope the end of the world doesn't happen this year.

but it's still at the back of my mind.

even if the news doesn't talk about it,

or the internet doesn't have it everywhere you click.

now that i have a reason to be happy,

a reason to actually live the rest of my life,

i don't want it to end.

especially if there are zombies involved.

caillou,

shall i compare thee to a summer's day?

where all i want to do

is feel your warm touch on my skin

see the light you bring to my world

and the growth you begin in my life.

or should i compare you to a winter's day?

where the chilled silence

sends hundreds of shivers down my spine.

i want to bury myself in your blankets

and snuggle up to your chest.

nothing will matter while i'm there,

because i'll be with you.

you are every season to me,

and i hope you know.

the world rotates for me, because of you.

i love you.

the end.

call me maybe?

it's depressing that i've only written like, six blogs this year.

when in two thousand eleven i wrote over one hundred.

it's just how your life changes, i guess, right?

at the moment i am visiting utah. 

i'm doing well at the dental office,

but it's still not what i want to be for the rest of my life.

it's too hectic.

our office is the most money producing office out of ten.

we're that busy, all the time.

if i were to find another office to work at, it would be so much easier.

i've trained some people already,

and i'm going to be going into the specialty department.

you see, we have pedo dentists, orthodontists, and an oral surgeon.

not just general dentists, which we have three of.

i do a lot of little things in the office,

and they rely on me a lot.

i don't know if that's a good or bad thing at the moment.

it means i can't leave whenever i want to.

there is a certain obligation to the office, with my body.

just being there is creating a difference.

i type the fastest at the office, that makes me feel great.

the pay is good, too.

i have to pay bills, and pay for my braces.

oh, did i mention that i got braces?

yeah. and it sucks.

but it means that i'll have straight teeth in the future...

two years later.

i'll start school, and go for two years.

get my braces off in two years.

and i'll be twenty-one.

that means it's basically the start of my life,

and i would have already gone to school.

we are moving to a new house in the first week in august.

my mom is coming with me back to las vegas on the fourteenth.

she's going to help us move, and help me with the boys

while bridgit and bobby go on their honeymoon to hawaii.

i'm cutting my hair in a few days, thanks to raquel.

so much is changing, and i've changed so much.

but it's all for the better.

i hope.

random spewing.

my mom and dad have been divorced since i was 3
my mom had four kids with some other guy then 12 years later had me
with my dad
and they got divorced and then they both remarried
so i have five half siblings,

cause my dad has a son that's 12 years older than me also but i've only met him once
buck is 33 i think, lives in colorado
bridgit is the one that lives here, 32
brianne is in utah, 31
and my sister brendi is 30 or something i don't remember
but she lives in oklahoma
buck has four kids
bridgit had two and married into two, so four
brianne has three
and brendi has two
with all of my step siblings included
i have like 19 siblings
26 nieces and nephews
and i'm the youngest of all of them
uhh i lived with my mom in utah
my dad lives in wyoming
i'm with bridgit in vegas
i work in the dental office

uhh more about me
i love video games, dancing, music and writing
i'm a big nerd
only had two boyfriends
my favorite drink is orange soda,

favorite fruit is orange and favorite vegetable is potato,

favorite dinner is chicken over rice
desert is red velvet cake
my birthday is may 25th, i'm a gemini
nobody has seen me naked
i like to read
i love going and seeing movies
i like to cook
i love my nephews more than other people
i love my dog more than i love all people
uhhh, i'm very tom-boyish in how i behave, i think
but i like to buy short shorts and paint my nails and stuff
i hate girls
i only have two girlfriends
that i still talk to out of high school
and i have like three guy friends in utah that we call ourselves the 'wolf pack'
i don't really like dinner and a movie dates...

i'd rather go bowling or to an arcade
something that is fun that you can get to know each other
but i've only been on like... three formal dates
i'm fat
i've been to the beach once, california once
i lack self confidence and self esteem but i try not to let people know that
i'm also a little depressed but i also try not to show people that
i'm hilarious
with the right people..
i love cartoons
my favorite cartoon is spongebob squarepants
my favorite singer of all time is david bowie
favorite band is queen
favorite movies...
hitchiker's guide to the galaxy
cloudy with a chance of meatballs
horton hears a who
monty python and the holy grail
little shop of horrors

and easy a.
favorite color is purple
i'm very loyal and once you're a friend you are always a friend
very trustworthy
i keep secrets very well
and i will listen
i want to go to school to be a journalist...
i've been in one car accident
i laugh hysterically at fart jokes or farts
i want to get a tattoo of a bumble bee on a rose

i love spelling and grammar.

that's all random facts about me.

if i was your boyfriend.

more than ever do i want a relationship that means something.
a guy that actually gives a crap about me.
a guy that i can kiss and just lay around on the couch with.
wrestle and hold hands.
lay on a bed and talk for hours about nothing
until we actually fall asleep in each other's arms.
and one that trusts me 100%
that i can just be myself with and not care.
i'm getting sick and tired of not having someone like that.

that is all.

viva, rock vegas.

so i realized that this is going to be a very eye opening experience.

i move out here to vegas, expecting a four month visit.

little did i know i was going to be starting work the day after i get out here.

not only work,

but at a dental office.

with no dental background or prior knowledge of the subject.

then i figure out i'm going to be put into the dog pit as soon as possible.

taking on a whole other position that i wasn't aware of.

then as i'm getting comfortable,

i start disliking the place.

and as i start to look forward to the end of the four months,

my sister tells me i should stay and go to school.

convinces me that it is the best thing for me to do.

that i'll be able to work part time and go to school part time,

out here in vegas.

this all sounded great to me at the time.

i want to go to school, and here it's a very possible option.

utah would have been more difficult for me.

but as i begin to think about it,

i have no friends out here.

absolutely zero friends.

and you can't exactly go out on friday nights

to local places and just make friends.

cause you have to be twenty-one to even do anything.

what about all of my friends back in utah that i love?

sure, i'll be able to make new friends out here when i start going to school.

but that probably won't be until august, and this summer

is going to be a terrible summer without my friends.

hopefully this is all worth it.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 72% Stability |||||||||||| 44% Orderliness |||||||||||||| 55% Accommodation |||||||||||||||||| 77% Intellectual |||||||||||| 50% Interdependence |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 75% Materialism |||||||||||||||| 66% Narcissism |||||||||| 33% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 66% Work ethic |||||||||| 33% Conflictseeking |||||||||||| 41% Need to dominate |||| 16% Romantic |||||||||||| 41% Avoidant || 8% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 66% Wealth |||| 16% Dependency |||| 16% Change averse |||||||||||||||||| 77% Cautiousness |||||| 25% Individuality |||||||||||||||| 61% Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||||| 91% Peter pancomplex |||||||||||| 50% Histrionic |||||||||| 33% Vanity |||||||||||| 41% Artistic |||||||||||||| 58% Hedonism |||||||||||| 50% Physicalfitness |||||||||| 38% Religious |||||||||||||||||| 75% Paranoia |||||||||||| 41% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 44% Indie |||||||||||| 41%

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Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com

car accident.

a peaceful tune to back behind a wonderful scene,

the sky's shining reflecting off of your eyes.

wind making small whispers as your hand dances through it,

while one hand sits securely on the navigator to the world.

a simple buzz,

the one distraction of destruction.

instead of keeping up with the navigator,

with a smile you read the words of desperation

of someone else, in a peaceful place

somewhere that you wish you could be.

within a few moments, you can't stop the inevitable.

the ship you were controlling,

as the wheels keep turning,

get smashed against you.

your heart shudders as the mighty navigator erupts,

in a simple act of kindness to protect you.

but it can't save you, as you get thrown around

like a rowboat in a tsunami.

the peaceful tune is replaced by silence,

a memory of what was.

beautiful life replaced with desperation.

the device of destruction.

i'm air.

i am the air.

i'm all around you.

i'm embracing you.

dancing through your lungs.

rolling down your throat.

travelling through your nostrils

down through your body

and eventually out your butt.