no shirt, no blouse.

why is it that when i think i'm happy,

something terrible always happens?

i feel like my life is getting away from me.

an amazing job.

an amazing boyfriend.

saving up to buy a car.

an amazing dog ( as always. )

i'm actually in a good situation, for once.

but the world around me is crashing down.

my parents can't afford any food, hardly ever.

my two best friends now hate each other.

i think there is something wrong with me, internally.

my family is all having their own problems...

i just don't know how to handle it.

for once i'm in the high place, i'm in control.

and everything else... 

isn't.

i'm constantly worried about everything else

that i can't even control.

should i buy everything my parents need?

what about the car i'm saving up for?

my braces are going to come off soon,

that's another positive.

what if i lose my job? 

then i wouldn't have any type of income,

and i would be miserable once again...

i have the most amazing boyfriend in the whole world.

we understand each other so well.

i am really too lucky to even have him.

i don't know what i would do without him right now.

he's shown me how i'm supposed to be treated,

and i couldn't thank him enough for that.

but every day i'm scared to death.

scared that i'm going to lose him.

because of my head.

i'm silently imploding.

everything is overwhelming me,

and i just don't like to show it.

there are more important things to worry about...

for other people, anyways.

i'm sick of this responsibility that i don't deserve.

i miss my dad.

i miss my sisters.

i miss my best friends.

i miss being sincerely happy.