deceiving.

i'm the type of person to hate this.

hate deceiving.

when things would turn out better,

for you and for everyone else,

if you were just completely honest.

you know that game?

with the X and the Y?

if everyone chooses y, they get one thousand dollars.

by the end, everyone would have like,

twenty five thousand dollars.

but if one person chooses x...

then everyone gets screwed.

and everything is ruined.

of course, i'm the type of person,

that would never change to x.

but pretty much everyone else is.

that's where we get selfish people.

people that do things,

just to make other people miserable.

i know it's just a game,

but it seriously can reflect on real life things.

when one person deceives,

i try and give them a second chance.

fix things, make everything even again.

then another person comes in,

and ruins it all over again.

in this certain game,

the person that deceived the first time,

ended up with the least amount of money.

i just hate that so much.

when you trust someone.

stick your head out on the line for someone.

then of course, you get it chopped off.

well, at least, that's what happens to me.

most of the time, anyways.

just think about it the next time you do something.

something for your own benefit.

who's getting hurt by your decision?

there has got to be someone.

just think about that. 

that's all i'm asking.

have a good day.

the relief.

i love that feeling,

when you get something lifted off your shoulders,

and you don't have to think about it anymore.

what a relief.

you can get on with your life.

back to the important things.

since that thing isn't holding you down anymore.

don't you love that feeling?

because then you can really focus.

people can probably tell,

when there's something on my mind,

since i won't listen to them fully.

when there isn't anything to worry about,

i'm a better person.

so think about people that always have something?

constantly dwelling over their shoulders?

like the president, or a movie star.

they have to worry about everything.

maybe that's why some people aren't nice.

because they can't be themselves while that cloud,

that dead animal on their back,

is there, slowing them down.

draining them.

until their personality is an empty bathtub,

and all that's left is the bubbles.

not the good bubbles, though.

the bubbles you got tired of and left behind.

that's a pretty depressing thought.

try and find the relief!

find the escape from that dark cloud.

get some sunlight, an umbrella, anything.

don't become the reject bubbles.

attitude.

i love when your life seems like everything is terrible,

or maybe something happened,

to make you think that,

or something is generally a bad thing,

like having to go to court,

or getting a ticket for something,

and while all of this is going on,

some of the best things happen.

you make new friends.

get new experiences.

things to get your mind off of the bad things.

and it's all about your attitude.

be positive, and positive things will happen.

and when you're negative, well.. you know what happens.

i wonder if that's how it is everywhere.

your house caught on fire,

but you get to live with the nicest people on the block.

sometimes it's the other way around.

everything seems to be going great,

then bad things happen.

you lose a friend.

get something stolen.

i don't know if that's really true or not.

from what i know, i think it partially is.

so you have just got to be positive.

being positive about things is great.

some people in the worst situations,

are the happiest people alive.

just think about your attitude.

are you happy in a bad situation?

or just contributing to the bad situation,

by having a bad attitude?

don't dwell on things.

it's not good for you.

ramble, ramble.

cowboy boots.

last night i had a wonderful time.

i didn't know that hanging out with two people,

that you've never hung out before,

could be so fun.

these two guys...

they're amazing.

and i want to hang out with them more often.

remember that girl i wrote about?

karalee lewis?

we went to her viewing first.

all of us wore cowboy boots.

pink tie, black shirt, yellow tie, gray shirt,

turquoise skirt, gray shirt.

cowboy boots.

it was a crazy experience.

my whole life i've only been to one viewing.

great grandma hotcakes.

and last night, i found out that i don't like seeing dead bodies.

i don't know why.

really just creeped me out and...

that isn't something i'll be doing everyday.

one of the guys almost cried.

it was really sweet.

after that, we went and saw christmas lights.

the ones that dance to the music.

something exciting after something depressing.

then we went back to HQ.

after eating, we went to the store.

to get capri sun's.

then we came back, watched the sorcerer's apprentice.

a very good movie, if you haven't seen it.

ate candy, popcorn, and drank sprite.

it was a very easygoing evening.

all of this after the stress of towing my van.

i'm glad i have two guy friends that would help me with that.

even though i almost died.. twice.

it was a very great, fun night out.

first time in a long time that i've gone out on friday night.

but we didn't technically go out...

spending time with them was good.

three friends, just hanging out.

i'm very grateful to have them in my life.

next time, jump on it. (:

police.

can i just say the police scare me?

i wonder if it's a phobia.

being scared of the men in blue.

for some reason i just hold my breath whenever i see one.

why is it like that?

aren't they there to protect us?

that's what they tell you when you're a kid.

"listen to the police, honey, they're there to take care of you."

and now, i can't even describe the fear.

i wonder if it's just because we got older.

realized the world wasn't as sweet as we thought.

or we broke the law.

did something accidentally or on purpose,

that made your meeting with them inevitable.

they just.. creep me out.

definitely not a good thing, 

to be scared of the police.

but i can't help myself.

they have guns.

guns are intimidating.

especially to people that are in trouble!

heh.. heh..

friends.

i'm so glad that i have friends.

they're always there for me.

and if they're not, then they aren't a friend.

whenever i'm with my friends,

i can be myself.

funny, goofy, burp in front of them.

i'm not scared to show my true self.

because i trust them.

they won't hurt my feelings.

and if they do, it's accidental.

or if i asked for the criticism.

which is another thing friends should offer.

they should be able to say mean things,

but it doesn't feel mean.

because they're your friend, it's different.

most of the time they're joking,

since they know you can take it.

at least, that's what my friends are like.

there are many people i consider friends.

i may not hang out with them all the time,

but i'd like to someday.

since everyone is special in their own way.

that's what i like to think.

love people for their individuality.

not because they wear the same clothes you do.

one of my friends says he doesn't have other friends.

i feel really bad for him, because he always feels left out.

that's a terrible point of mind.

i want to be his friend, the one he hangs out with all the time.

but because of our past, the rocky things,

he won't. which makes me sad,

because i get over things quickly.

if you didn't know that about me, you know now.

and i may get used a lot,

but i don't mind getting used.

because my friends need help, i'll help them.

i'm not a jerk, and i'm not mean.

sometimes i'll have revenge on people,

but that's a human way to act.

enough about me.

i'm just happy i have friends.

that love me, care about me, think of me.

it makes me feel important.

everyone needs to feel important once and a while.

i love you all. so very much.

and you know who you are. (:

i'm a g.

what exactly does being a 'g' mean?

guys say that all the time.

my guess is gangster,

i suppose that's what it means.

and i just looked it up.

i was right! ha ha ha.

so, anyways, being a gangster.

does that mean doing drugs?

shooting people?

having a territory?

or wearing baggy clothes,

wearing your hat sideways,

always doing gang signs?

i don't know why people want to be called that.

personally, i blame the music.

for wanting people to be cool,

like tupac or drake or whoever is gangster.

i got called a gangster today.

totally not who i am at all.

at least, i'm not shooting people,

doing drugs, wearing baggy pants,

nothing along those lines.

and that's what i think of when people say gangster.

madison's boyfriend morgan,

he's really great.

i asked him what to write this about today.

and he said, plainly,

"i'm a g."

so that's what i'm writing about.

thanks, morgan. for giving me a great concept.

oh, and by the way,

you aren't gangster.